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I.... am having troubles with my friendships at school. It's horrible and it's making me depressed. My eyes are always crowded with sadness and I think about cutting a lot. I swore I never would though, and I keep my word. It's with my best mates and..... it's a long long long complicated story that I absolutely don't want to tell anybody. But the bottom line is that they're happy and I'm depressed. I live for my friends; I do everything for them. I stay up late texting, trying to help them out of their sporatic depressions (we all are depressed but i am most of all), i give advice whenever they need it, i always always am there for them, i bury my true feelings when we're talking (i might be crying and they might be happy, but i'll type happy words so i dont ruin their mood), i do everything for them. Shit, their happiness even matters more than mine (only for my best mates on that one) and i love them more than i could even every say. however, the things that would make me happy would make both of them more depressed than i am. and so, i dont know what to do.


xsighx


Okay, so we're on the Poetry unit in English class. I'm actually a Creative Writing major, and so it's a piece of cake for me. We were supposed to write a catalog poem about our day. My day consists mostly of being depressed. I hope I don't get a bad grade in my classes, all my writing has been hella depressed. Even the children's story that I'm trying to write. Ohkay, thanks for reading all of my woes lol I'm sorry it was so long but I.... I just am not okay right now


Please comment and tell me what you think, how I can make it better, if you hated it, how your days usually are, anything you want. Thank you so much for reading ^.^ laters!!
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nightembersglowing's avatar
:hug: That's great that you're there for your friends, you sound like an awesome friend! But don't bury your own feelings. If you're this supportive for your friends, they'll surely be as supportive for you. Can you ask them to help you out sometimes?

I think it's really nice ^-^ The last line is very poignant and all the references to trying to fit in and learning the social rules ring true :)

My days are normally ok :) I get up, go out into the cold & dark and do the horses, go to school, write notes in class, piss around at break and lunch with my friends (they are the only thing that keeps me sane at school) and then come home, trudge around in the mud some more and then do homework (and dA ^o^).

It's not always bad to write depressing stuff ^-^ so long as you want to write it, go for it :D